Fresca asks me to flesh out my proposal for using some of a fictitious billion dollars to help everyone stop being morons.
I find it is not going to take nearly that much money.
Here's my point-by-point guide to halt the ongoing march of moronity.
1. You find yourself watching Cops. Solution: Turn off the TV, eat some nuts, drink a glass of water and load the dishwasher.
2. You think that government is the problem. This is a self-fulfilling prophecy that will keep you from living in a safe, decent society. Solution: Become a lobbyist and make money getting the government to chase its tail.
3. You buy a big vehicle in order to get in touch with the wilderness. This is costing you a fortune in gas, not to mention the payments and insurance. Solution: Bike to work, feel the wind and sun, and learn the true meaning of force and momentum.
4. You think everyone is a moron. Solution: You probably have seasonal affective disorder and need more sunlight. Take a vacation and remember that your nation's future is in their hands.
Cost involved: $1.99 for a jar of house-brand peanuts.
ReplyDeleteCost analysis, Part 2
ReplyDeleteFor 6.5 billion people.
The nuts must not be salted. Salted nuts are for morons.
ReplyDeleteUnsalted?
ReplyDeleteThat's gonna raise your costs.
Though I suppose you could supply one jar per household, not per person.
But what fraction of the world's population can watch Cops? Maybe I don't want to know.
ReplyDeleteI wish I'd noted where I saw a photo of people in the middle of some hellish land running a TV off a car battery. (I think it was...)
ReplyDeleteThey were probably watching Cops.