August 19, 2008

Moronitude doesn't sleep

Fresca asks me to flesh out my proposal for using some of a fictitious billion dollars to help everyone stop being morons.

I find it is not going to take nearly that much money.

Here's my point-by-point guide to halt the ongoing march of moronity.

1. You find yourself watching Cops. Solution: Turn off the TV, eat some nuts, drink a glass of water and load the dishwasher.

2. You think that government is the problem. This is a self-fulfilling prophecy that will keep you from living in a safe, decent society. Solution: Become a lobbyist and make money getting the government to chase its tail.

3. You buy a big vehicle in order to get in touch with the wilderness. This is costing you a fortune in gas, not to mention the payments and insurance. Solution: Bike to work, feel the wind and sun, and learn the true meaning of force and momentum.

4. You think everyone is a moron. Solution: You probably have seasonal affective disorder and need more sunlight. Take a vacation and remember that your nation's future is in their hands.

6 Comments:

At August 20, 2008 7:19 AM , Blogger fresca said...

Cost involved: $1.99 for a jar of house-brand peanuts.

 
At August 20, 2008 7:20 AM , Blogger fresca said...

Cost analysis, Part 2
For 6.5 billion people.

 
At August 22, 2008 9:03 PM , Blogger Matt_J said...

The nuts must not be salted. Salted nuts are for morons.

 
At August 23, 2008 9:48 PM , Blogger fresca said...

Unsalted?
That's gonna raise your costs.

Though I suppose you could supply one jar per household, not per person.

 
At August 24, 2008 7:31 PM , Blogger Matt_J said...

But what fraction of the world's population can watch Cops? Maybe I don't want to know.

 
At August 27, 2008 4:58 PM , Blogger fresca said...

I wish I'd noted where I saw a photo of people in the middle of some hellish land running a TV off a car battery. (I think it was...)
They were probably watching Cops.

 

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